i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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