Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
