i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
