I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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