ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
