I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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