sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
