She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
