Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
