Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
