I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
