We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
