haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
