I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize