lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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