I want to have your abortion
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
