he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
