You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
