Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He has the fingertips of a God
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