Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
