I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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