god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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