i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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