She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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