It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
