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I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
