i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
