is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
