He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
