Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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