Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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