whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize