I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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