Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize