I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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