A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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