Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
