I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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