he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
