he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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