We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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