Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
