Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
