i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
