I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize