please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
