this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
