They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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