You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
