Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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