thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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