Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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