I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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