At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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