all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
