is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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