Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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