Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize