you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
