i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
