I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
