the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
