did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
