I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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