I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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