There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
