So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
