I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
