I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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