There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we're making bets on your personal life
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
