Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It was confusing and full of hummus
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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