Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
