By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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