I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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